I have always been a believer in one thing or another. As a child, the idea of God was incomprehensible. What, or who, were people talking about?
I can recall mercilessly teasing a catholic friend, that it must be awful to have to follow the rules of the Pope. No doubt that taunt had its roots in my parents Protestant prejudice and most certainly not in any true attempt on my part to understand who the Pope was or what Catholicism was.
Around the time I first began to reflect about religion; who God is/was, or who I was for that matter, the thought crossed my mind that perhaps God did not exist. Incomprehensble as God was anyway, this was not a loss, but more a discarding of an entity out of reach. The existence of God did not strike me as the most obvious conclusion that one could come to. Unseen and out of reach, God’s existence is not obvious. As author Michael Novak so aptly put it, “No One Sees God.”
For awhile my teenage cosmology turned decidedly atheistic. Perhaps my wondering would have ended there but for the perpetually haunting question, “who am I?” continually drawing me back to other questions like “where are we,” and “why are we here?” Any thought or idea offering clues as to what the nature of life was about, whether in books, music, other people’s insights and ideas became attractive.
Clearly the road to any embrace of a belief system is personal and often without reasons obvious to others. The idea that any of us stumble their way into one position or another, I believe, risks assuming an understanding of one another, or may be a defense of one’s own position, or lack of interest altogether. As I age, I like to give myself, and others, the benefit of the doubt as to the conclusions they come to in their personal cosmology. Because my own weaving and winding adventure in and out of various points of view serves to remind me that as Ian Anderson says so simply, Life is a Long Song…
In later years my interest in world views or cosmologies and their conclusions about life continues to deepen. I have to accept that my interest in the underpinnings of our very being is not necessarily important to others. I remain in awe by the very fact of being. How can the continual awareness and mystery that we experience ever be taken for granted? That is truly beyond me…
Theoria 
I have, particularly in later years, been very interested in peoples’ world views or cosmologies and their conclusions about life. What is beyond me is the notion that one would not ponder life’s meaning (s). I don’t know what that is like and can’t imagine never being baffled, amazed, and completely in awe by the very fact of being. How can such a sublime state ever be taken for granted? That is truly beyond me…
OF COURSE, YES!! I totally agree Debra. Someone referred to your earlier posts on kundalini so I am back here looking for those. I did enter kundalini in your search, but it did not reveal any posts with that topic.
It is such an indulgence to go back 4 years and read, but I am so intrigued with your evolution, so I am gonna give it a go. And to find Ka here too, coincidence??
love,
Linda
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I was struck by how much I do agree with this point: “The point of this is to try to state clearly that the road to an embrace of any belief can and perhaps should be long and messy.” I don’t know how tightly I embrace my beliefs. Even though I am into astrology (and even *read* for others) I still espouse the notion of non-attachment. I believe in reality shifting and a capacity for self-determination.
I find myself not interested in arguing for a particular position – simply because I’ve noticed in my life that by virtue of experience – i change my mind. Plus, although I like others to agree with me, it’s not as much fun for me, if I have to persuade them to agree, or see it “this way” or “that way.” I have noticed that certain ideas and themes tend to “hang out” in my consciousness over the years. I like to play with the ideas and themes, and ask *them* why they are there. I find that it’s like a “thought experiment” and I try to suspend *both* belief and disbelief.
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Hi Fiestaestrella,
Beautifully said! I very much agree with you.
Even though I am not sure that I’ll ever lose the capacity for joining, more and more I realize that it’s not likely that I’ll settle into any particular set of beliefs.
“I like to play with the ideas and themes, and ask *them* why they are there.”
I love the idea of speaking to the ideas. It’s a great way to see them as not necessarily part of us, but as having a life of their own, with their own history. Ideas connect us to others and especially the ancestors, yes?
Thanks so much for sharing your lovely thoughts here. It’s very much appreciated.
Debra
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Hi Debra,
Thanks for helping me to provoke those thoughts and try to form them into words! I’m always a loss with words – which is why I write.
Your mention of the ancestors, yes. 🙂 You have a way of conveying a lot in that sentence. YES.
Feeling glad, appreciated, and understood 🙂
Ka
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